14 ways to tell your husband you got a new dog while he was away!

My best friend recently contacted me with a dilemma.  She is a huge animal lover and has recently decided to foster a dog.  Now this isn’t just your normal nice-lady-gives-a-dog-a-home story.  It’s a little more complicated than that.  Let’s see. . .where do I begin?  She married a wonderful man a few years ago and when they joined their families he brought along a son and she brought her children (her two dogs, Rourke and Nitro, and a few fish).  They were a wonderful family.  A few month’s in they decided to add a new member to their family.  This new addition was Bubba, the grunting, snorting, humping English Bulldog.  Awe, happy family right?  Well, along the way Nitro became a little too much for their family and they found a wonderful new family to adopt him.   So then there were 5 and some fish.  Not too little and not too many!!!

My friends husband is a Firefighter and a few months ago took a job in Iraq putting out fires.  I think that my friend is more lonely without him than she thought she would be.  A few weeks ago, she called and told me that she had bought a new fish tank and some new fish.  There were now a total of 11 fish.  Okay, not a big deal.  Fish are easy, right?  About a week after that, she calls me at work and says that she got a new pet off of craigslist.  When I ask what it is, she tells me to Google it!!  Oh lordy.  I’m thinking, what they heck can it be?  It was a Degu my friend.  Not just one but two of them.  (Don’t know what a Degu is?  Google it!)  Then she explains that she has not yet told her husband.  How was she going to tell him?  What was he going to say?  She eventually did, but it took some time. 

I’m sure at this point you are wondering where the foster dog comes in.  Well, it comes in right about now!!  She called me up just this past week and leaves a voicemail asking if I would like to come visit her zoo and tells me that she has yet another new pet (found on craigslist).  A beautiful Australian Sheppard named Percy, rescued from the pound.  Now here’s the dilemma, she hasn’t told her husband.  It’s been 3 days and she still has not told him, which leads me to the title of this blog.  Our conversation turned into ways she could tell her husband. 

1.  His birthday and their wedding anniversary fall during the 10 days he’s home.  Put a great big bow on the dog and when he comes in say in a sweet, little voice, “Happy Birthday and Anniversary, Honey!!” 

2.  Wait until he comes home and when he notices the dog and acts confused, make him even more confused by saying “Babe, I told you about Percy.   You just don’t listen to anything I say to you.  It hurts my feelings when you don’t pay attention.  It’s like nothing I say is important to you!”

3.  When they have their Skype Conversation let the dog casually jump on the couch in the background and see how long it takes him to notice.

4.  Have his mother call and break the news.  Then don’t answer the phone for a few days.  Then when she finally does answer the phone, act mad that he hasn’t called in several days. 

5.   Tell him she volunteered to dog sit for someone, but they never returned for the dog.

6.  Cry and tell him how much she misses him and that she didn’t realize she was doing it. 

7.  Send him a picture and ask if she can get a new dog.  If he says no, just tell him she must have read his email wrong.

8.  Tell him a tornado came through the neighborhood and when it was all over that this adorable dog had just dropped in the back yard.  The experience was just too tragic to dump him somewhere else. 

9.  Get naked and write “I got a new dog” on her stomach.  He’ll be so distracted that maybe it will make him less angry. 

10.  Give him a blow job as soon as he gets home.  Once he’s completely relaxed, let the dog in.

11.  Make him think it’s a hallucination from being in the Iraq heat for so long. 

12.  Tell him she must have been pregnant when he left because she had a baby.  Not sure why he’s so hairy, but he’s a darn good kid. 

13.  Secretlly send him a link to this blog and then seem puzzled as to how he found it. 

14.  Tell him how much his son loves the dog and that he can’t make them get rid of him.  Getting rid of the dog would hurt him.  (That’ terrible, right?)

She needs your help.  Leave me comments and suggestions on how she should break the news.